The Centerfold Girls

The Centerfold Girls
1974-91min.-General Film Corporation
d. John Peyser














A religious fanatic (Andrew Prine) is killing centerfolds because of their depraved behavior. In an inventive structure we see him at work in three separate stories. Can he make it through all 12 months? Featuring an eclectic cast including Aldo Ray, Janet Wood, Ray Danton, Francine York and Mike Mazurki this is a real surprise.

+1 star for the snazziest shoes a killer ever wore.
+1 star for Mike Mazurki yelling all his lines!
+1 star for showing the depravity
+1 star for a stark symbolic ending...yes symbolic
Bottom line
4 stars

Blastfighter

Blastfighter
1984-87min.-National Cinemmatografica
d. Lamberto Bava













When "Tiger" Sharp (Michael Sopkiw) returns to his small town he learns that nothing much has changed. Cops are still hated and the town boss (George Eastman) still runs everything. How much can one man take before he snaps? Rape, murder, torture? Find out in Blastfighter!

+1 star for 10 plus explosions!
+1 star for a shotgun with more bells and whistles than Batman's belt
+1 star for Mano y Mano action
Bottom line
3 stars

Johnny Firecloud

Johnny Firecloud
1975-99min.-20th Century Fox
d. William Allen Castleman














When Johnny (Victor Mohica) returns to his small town he learns that nothing much has changed. Indians are still hated and the town boss (Ralph Meeker) still runs everything. How much can one man take before he snaps? Rape, murder, torture? Find out in Johnny Firecloud!

+1 star for Dave Friedman R.I.P. showing the big boys he could make a studio picture.
+1 star for Sacheen Littlefeather not accepting the Oscar for her gang rape scene.
Bottom line
2 stars

Fist of Fear, Touch of Death

Fist of Fear, Touch of Death
1980-90m.-Aquarius Promotions
d. Matthew Mallinson














It's the World Karate Championships and one man will be handed Bruce Lee's belt as the greatest...although that belt doesn't even exist as Fred Williamson keeps reminding us. The best way to enjoy this cult masterpiece is to give in to the sheer ridiculousness of it all. Shot in a pseudo-documentary style you won't be fooled for a second but you'll love how sincerely everyone tried to pull it off. Skip the "half-time" recounting young Bruce's early life for maximum value.

+1 star for Mr. Karate U.S.A.
+1 star for The Hammer or is it Mr. Belafonte
+1 star for "Shit, fucking cantaloupes!"
+1 star for eyes plucked out as family entertainment
+1 star for Adolph Ceaser selling it all
+1 star for that old black man in the background, what's he doing?
-1 star for the half-time show
Bottom line
5 stars

Hunter Will Get You aka L'alpagueur

Hunter Will Get You aka L'alpagueur
1976-110m.-Cerito Films
d. Philippe Labro














Belmondo plays a bounty hunter hired by the police so help them with their worst problems. The latest one is a thief and a serial killer (Bruno Cremer) who kills anyone that could be a witness, even the boys he hires to help him with his crimes.

+1 star for Belmondo channeling Bogart, again
+1 star for leaving no witnesses
+1 star for broken bottle as weapon
Bottom line
3 stars

Lorna, The Exorcist

Lorna, The Exorcist
1974-81m.-C.F.F.P.
d. Jesus Franco














An age old story. A man sells his soul and the payment is his child. However, this time it is told by Legendary filmmaker Jesus Franco. Lina Romay plays the daughter and Pamela Stanford plays Lorna. Recently re-released on DVD, Lorna is  strange, hypnotic, unsettling and pleasurable; sometimes all at once.

+1 star for the lovely Lina Romay always going the distance
+1 star for Franco's eye for architecture as character
+1 star for seashell as weapon
+1 star for dildo as ritualistic device
+1 star for atmosphere over story
Bottom line
5 stars

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
1965-83m.-Eve Productions
d. Russ Meyer














Lucky for Charlie his girl's never met this trio or angels they would have really been. Tura Satana, Haji and Lori Willams are stripper's looking for a good time anyway they can find it. Racing cars through the desert, beating a man to death, kidnapping, whatever gets their motors running they do and do full throttle. Russ Meyer set it all in a stark black&white landscape reminiscent of a John Ford western. Not as frenetic as his later films (you can actually see people blink in this one) this stands the test of time for it's sexiness and moral depravity.

+5 stars for Tura Satana, God rest her soul. Her every move a picture. Every picture a masterpiece. Throw out the Mona Lisa and substitute a glossy of Ms. Tura Luna Pascual Yamaguchi.
Bottom line
5 stars

El kárate, el Colt y el impostor aka The Stranger and the Gunfighter

El kárate, el Colt y el impostor aka The Stranger and the Gunfighter
1974-105m.-Champion films
d.Antonio Margheriti














Lee Van Cleef and Lo Lieh form an uneasy alliance as the set out to find the fortune Lieh's uncle hid before he was accidentally killed by thief Van Cleef. To find the fortune they will need to examine the rear ends of many beautiful women. How tough can that be? Director Margheriti was known for his genre bending cinema and he applies his same crazy skills here as east meets west down below.

+1 star for examining ladies asses with a jeweler's glass
-1 star for never explaining what is down there
+1 star for good ol' gatling gun action
+1 star for a priest in a leather duster with an itchy trigger finger
+1 star for red man vs. yellow man
+1 star for picking the lock on a chastity belt
Bottom line
4 stars

Vai Gorilla aka The Hired Gun

Vai Gorilla aka The Hired Gun
1976-100m.
d. Tonino Valerii














Fabio Testi plays a stuntman turned "Gorilla": a bodyguard. He is soon in over his head when his boss is subjected to threats and extortion. Can he learn on the job and save the boss and his daughter or is it all a set-up and he got the job because of his inexperience?  Tonino Valerii was better known for his westerns, but does a masterful job here. Co-star Al Lettieri brings the grit and honesty he brought to so many roles in the 70's before passing away all too early in 1976. This was one of his last films.

+1 star for Al Lettieri the patron saint of 1970's thugs
+1 star for black boots embossed with eagles
+1 star for driving a car through a car carrier
+1 star for near death by elevator
Bottom line
4 stars

Horror High

Horror High
1974-85 min.-Crown International Pictures
d. Larry N. Stouffer














Super Nerd Vernon (Pat Cardi) plays Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at a small high school with the usual disastrous effects. Austin Stoker is a funky "Columbo" as the police Lt. out to crack the case.

+1 star for a blood thirsty guinea pig
+1 star for creative use of school supplies as murder weapons.
Bottom line
2 stars

Double Feature: Up from the Depths and Demon of Paradise

Up from the Depths
1979-75 min.-New World Pictures
d. Charles B. Griffith














A monster terrorizes a Hawaiian resort.

+1 star for giant man-eating catfish...I mean shark...whatever
Bottom line
1 star

Demon of Paradise
1987-87 min.-New Horizon
d. Cirio H. Santiago














A monster terrorizes a Hawaiian resort.

+1 star for not one, not two, but three boat explosions involving dynamite!
+1 star for the monster taking down a helicopter; another explosion involving dynamite!
Bottom line
2 stars

Mag Wheels aka Summer School

Mag Wheels aka Summer School
1978-81 min.-Peter Perry Productions
d. Bethel Buckalew














There aren't many teen sex comedies that feature attempted rape and murder, but Mag Wheels is brave or crazy enough to go there. Anita (Shelly Horner) just wants to fit in with the kids. Maybe meet a nice guy and have some fun at the beach. Not so fast. First she has to survive a car chase and gang rape by the boy of her dreams and being run off the road by the boy's insane girlfriend. And if she can make it through that, there is the dreaded "drag off". It's movies like this that remind me why I don't want to be a teenager again. Well, at least a teenage girl.

+1 star for the dreaded "drag off"
+1 star for George Barris "The King of the Custom Vans"
+1 star for hot van sex
-1 star for hot van sex with the butchest girl in the movie
Bottom line
2 stars

Deadly Angels

Deadly Angels
1977-85 min-Shaw Brothers
d. Hun Choi














Take three gorgeous women, add an even more attractive female agent as their boss, give them special gadgets, pit them against  a hoard of diamond smugglers and you have a fun Saturday night! Just like in Charlie's Angels, we have three different police women coming together to form a super team. The only difference is that these women are in Hong Kong and instead of Bosley we get Mighty Peking Man's Evelyne Kraft.

+1 star for fashion accessories used as lethal weapons
+1 star for meeting three Bosses in the first ten minutes
+1 star for a leader a guy would love to work under
-1 star for the Angels being indistinguishable
Bottom line
2 stars

Machine Gun McCain

Machine Gun McCain
1969-96min-Euroatlantica
d.Giuliano Montaldo














Charlie Adamo (Peter Falk) runs the west coast for the mob, but has been told to stay out of Las Vegas. Charlie wants in anyway and he has a plan that involves specialist Hank McCain (John Cassavetes). Hank has plans of his own and they involve knocking over a casino. Will either man see their plans come to fruition before the bosses from back east take them down?

Giuliano Montaldo made the classic Grand Slam in 1967, but McCain doesn't quite meet those high standards. It mainly suffers from a confusion over who's story this is, Adamo's or McCain's. Check it out for the heist, the score by Ennio Morricone, and great performances by Falk, Cassavetes and Gena Rowland in a small part.

+1 star for Peter Falk channeling his inner Cagney/Bogart/Robinson
+1 star for wild eyed Cassavetes
+1 star for robbing a casino sans crew
-1 star for minimal machine gunning
Bottom line
2 stars
   

The Outfit

The Outfit
1973-103min.-MGM
w./d. John Flynn














When Macklin (Robert Duvall) gets out of jail he learns his brother has been murdered. Soon he is almost murdered too. Turns out the bank they robbed along was owned by the Outfit and you don't take from the Outfit even if it's an accident. Macklin enlists his old partner Cody (Joe Don Baker) to help him get revenge, and brings his girl (Karen Black) along for the ride. Will they get satisfaction or will Boss Mailer (Robert Ryan) take them out?

The Outfit is an wonderful film that seems to have gotten lost amidst one of the great years in film history. From a novel by Donald E. Westlake writing as Richard Stark, you know this one is going to be blunt, like a gun-butt to the back of the head. Director John Flynn had a hit or miss career, but he got it right this time. Featuring an amazing cast including Timothy Carey, Richard Jaeckel, Joanna Cassidy, Tom Reese and Elisha Cook, make sure you check this one out.

+1 star for Robert Duvall's pot belly
+1 star for Joe Don Baker punching a lady in the face
+1 star for taking it to the Man
+1 star for the aforementioned cast
Bottom line
4 stars

A Man to Respect aka The Master Touch

A Man to Respect aka The Master Touch
1972-95min-Paramount-Orion Filmproduktion
d. Michele Lupo





Kirk Douglas is Master thief Steve Wallace just out of prison for a heist gone wrong. When he is approached by his previous employer for a million dollar job he flatly turns it down. He has a beautiful young wife to think about (Florinda Bolkan) who can't take it if he is sent away again. But old habits die hard, and with the aid of a wild young circus performer (Giuliano Gemma) he decides to make one last big score. To get away with it will take a master's touch.

+1 star for a car chase that would make Bullitt blush
+1 star for an outlandish security system and how to beat it
+1 star for a downbeat ending Mr. StreetLaw didn't see coming
Bottom line
3 stars

Girls On The Road aka Hot Summer Week

Girls On The Road aka Hot Summer Week
1973-79min.-Fanfare Corporation
d. Thomas J. Schmidt


Debbie (Kathleen Cody) and Karen (Dianne Hull) have just graduated from high school and are looking for a good time. Well, they don't find it. Instead they meet insane Vietnam vet Will (Michael Ontkean) who they travel with to Big Sur and meet his "encounter group" led by John (Ralph Waite). Will they find love with the hippies, or death at the hands of a beach killer?

+1 star for "girls on the road"
+1 star for crazed Michael Ontkean
+1 star for Ralph Waite's Muttonchops
-1 star for the girls remaining virgins
Bottom line
2 stars