Horror High

Horror High
1974-85 min.-Crown International Pictures
d. Larry N. Stouffer














Super Nerd Vernon (Pat Cardi) plays Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at a small high school with the usual disastrous effects. Austin Stoker is a funky "Columbo" as the police Lt. out to crack the case.

+1 star for a blood thirsty guinea pig
+1 star for creative use of school supplies as murder weapons.
Bottom line
2 stars

Double Feature: Up from the Depths and Demon of Paradise

Up from the Depths
1979-75 min.-New World Pictures
d. Charles B. Griffith














A monster terrorizes a Hawaiian resort.

+1 star for giant man-eating catfish...I mean shark...whatever
Bottom line
1 star

Demon of Paradise
1987-87 min.-New Horizon
d. Cirio H. Santiago














A monster terrorizes a Hawaiian resort.

+1 star for not one, not two, but three boat explosions involving dynamite!
+1 star for the monster taking down a helicopter; another explosion involving dynamite!
Bottom line
2 stars

Mag Wheels aka Summer School

Mag Wheels aka Summer School
1978-81 min.-Peter Perry Productions
d. Bethel Buckalew














There aren't many teen sex comedies that feature attempted rape and murder, but Mag Wheels is brave or crazy enough to go there. Anita (Shelly Horner) just wants to fit in with the kids. Maybe meet a nice guy and have some fun at the beach. Not so fast. First she has to survive a car chase and gang rape by the boy of her dreams and being run off the road by the boy's insane girlfriend. And if she can make it through that, there is the dreaded "drag off". It's movies like this that remind me why I don't want to be a teenager again. Well, at least a teenage girl.

+1 star for the dreaded "drag off"
+1 star for George Barris "The King of the Custom Vans"
+1 star for hot van sex
-1 star for hot van sex with the butchest girl in the movie
Bottom line
2 stars

Deadly Angels

Deadly Angels
1977-85 min-Shaw Brothers
d. Hun Choi














Take three gorgeous women, add an even more attractive female agent as their boss, give them special gadgets, pit them against  a hoard of diamond smugglers and you have a fun Saturday night! Just like in Charlie's Angels, we have three different police women coming together to form a super team. The only difference is that these women are in Hong Kong and instead of Bosley we get Mighty Peking Man's Evelyne Kraft.

+1 star for fashion accessories used as lethal weapons
+1 star for meeting three Bosses in the first ten minutes
+1 star for a leader a guy would love to work under
-1 star for the Angels being indistinguishable
Bottom line
2 stars

Machine Gun McCain

Machine Gun McCain
1969-96min-Euroatlantica
d.Giuliano Montaldo














Charlie Adamo (Peter Falk) runs the west coast for the mob, but has been told to stay out of Las Vegas. Charlie wants in anyway and he has a plan that involves specialist Hank McCain (John Cassavetes). Hank has plans of his own and they involve knocking over a casino. Will either man see their plans come to fruition before the bosses from back east take them down?

Giuliano Montaldo made the classic Grand Slam in 1967, but McCain doesn't quite meet those high standards. It mainly suffers from a confusion over who's story this is, Adamo's or McCain's. Check it out for the heist, the score by Ennio Morricone, and great performances by Falk, Cassavetes and Gena Rowland in a small part.

+1 star for Peter Falk channeling his inner Cagney/Bogart/Robinson
+1 star for wild eyed Cassavetes
+1 star for robbing a casino sans crew
-1 star for minimal machine gunning
Bottom line
2 stars
   

The Outfit

The Outfit
1973-103min.-MGM
w./d. John Flynn














When Macklin (Robert Duvall) gets out of jail he learns his brother has been murdered. Soon he is almost murdered too. Turns out the bank they robbed along was owned by the Outfit and you don't take from the Outfit even if it's an accident. Macklin enlists his old partner Cody (Joe Don Baker) to help him get revenge, and brings his girl (Karen Black) along for the ride. Will they get satisfaction or will Boss Mailer (Robert Ryan) take them out?

The Outfit is an wonderful film that seems to have gotten lost amidst one of the great years in film history. From a novel by Donald E. Westlake writing as Richard Stark, you know this one is going to be blunt, like a gun-butt to the back of the head. Director John Flynn had a hit or miss career, but he got it right this time. Featuring an amazing cast including Timothy Carey, Richard Jaeckel, Joanna Cassidy, Tom Reese and Elisha Cook, make sure you check this one out.

+1 star for Robert Duvall's pot belly
+1 star for Joe Don Baker punching a lady in the face
+1 star for taking it to the Man
+1 star for the aforementioned cast
Bottom line
4 stars

A Man to Respect aka The Master Touch

A Man to Respect aka The Master Touch
1972-95min-Paramount-Orion Filmproduktion
d. Michele Lupo





Kirk Douglas is Master thief Steve Wallace just out of prison for a heist gone wrong. When he is approached by his previous employer for a million dollar job he flatly turns it down. He has a beautiful young wife to think about (Florinda Bolkan) who can't take it if he is sent away again. But old habits die hard, and with the aid of a wild young circus performer (Giuliano Gemma) he decides to make one last big score. To get away with it will take a master's touch.

+1 star for a car chase that would make Bullitt blush
+1 star for an outlandish security system and how to beat it
+1 star for a downbeat ending Mr. StreetLaw didn't see coming
Bottom line
3 stars

Girls On The Road aka Hot Summer Week

Girls On The Road aka Hot Summer Week
1973-79min.-Fanfare Corporation
d. Thomas J. Schmidt


Debbie (Kathleen Cody) and Karen (Dianne Hull) have just graduated from high school and are looking for a good time. Well, they don't find it. Instead they meet insane Vietnam vet Will (Michael Ontkean) who they travel with to Big Sur and meet his "encounter group" led by John (Ralph Waite). Will they find love with the hippies, or death at the hands of a beach killer?

+1 star for "girls on the road"
+1 star for crazed Michael Ontkean
+1 star for Ralph Waite's Muttonchops
-1 star for the girls remaining virgins
Bottom line
2 stars