Fist of Fear, Touch of Death

Fist of Fear, Touch of Death
1980-90m.-Aquarius Promotions
d. Matthew Mallinson














It's the World Karate Championships and one man will be handed Bruce Lee's belt as the greatest...although that belt doesn't even exist as Fred Williamson keeps reminding us. The best way to enjoy this cult masterpiece is to give in to the sheer ridiculousness of it all. Shot in a pseudo-documentary style you won't be fooled for a second but you'll love how sincerely everyone tried to pull it off. Skip the "half-time" recounting young Bruce's early life for maximum value.

+1 star for Mr. Karate U.S.A.
+1 star for The Hammer or is it Mr. Belafonte
+1 star for "Shit, fucking cantaloupes!"
+1 star for eyes plucked out as family entertainment
+1 star for Adolph Ceaser selling it all
+1 star for that old black man in the background, what's he doing?
-1 star for the half-time show
Bottom line
5 stars

Hunter Will Get You aka L'alpagueur

Hunter Will Get You aka L'alpagueur
1976-110m.-Cerito Films
d. Philippe Labro














Belmondo plays a bounty hunter hired by the police so help them with their worst problems. The latest one is a thief and a serial killer (Bruno Cremer) who kills anyone that could be a witness, even the boys he hires to help him with his crimes.

+1 star for Belmondo channeling Bogart, again
+1 star for leaving no witnesses
+1 star for broken bottle as weapon
Bottom line
3 stars

Lorna, The Exorcist

Lorna, The Exorcist
1974-81m.-C.F.F.P.
d. Jesus Franco














An age old story. A man sells his soul and the payment is his child. However, this time it is told by Legendary filmmaker Jesus Franco. Lina Romay plays the daughter and Pamela Stanford plays Lorna. Recently re-released on DVD, Lorna is  strange, hypnotic, unsettling and pleasurable; sometimes all at once.

+1 star for the lovely Lina Romay always going the distance
+1 star for Franco's eye for architecture as character
+1 star for seashell as weapon
+1 star for dildo as ritualistic device
+1 star for atmosphere over story
Bottom line
5 stars

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
1965-83m.-Eve Productions
d. Russ Meyer














Lucky for Charlie his girl's never met this trio or angels they would have really been. Tura Satana, Haji and Lori Willams are stripper's looking for a good time anyway they can find it. Racing cars through the desert, beating a man to death, kidnapping, whatever gets their motors running they do and do full throttle. Russ Meyer set it all in a stark black&white landscape reminiscent of a John Ford western. Not as frenetic as his later films (you can actually see people blink in this one) this stands the test of time for it's sexiness and moral depravity.

+5 stars for Tura Satana, God rest her soul. Her every move a picture. Every picture a masterpiece. Throw out the Mona Lisa and substitute a glossy of Ms. Tura Luna Pascual Yamaguchi.
Bottom line
5 stars

El kárate, el Colt y el impostor aka The Stranger and the Gunfighter

El kárate, el Colt y el impostor aka The Stranger and the Gunfighter
1974-105m.-Champion films
d.Antonio Margheriti














Lee Van Cleef and Lo Lieh form an uneasy alliance as the set out to find the fortune Lieh's uncle hid before he was accidentally killed by thief Van Cleef. To find the fortune they will need to examine the rear ends of many beautiful women. How tough can that be? Director Margheriti was known for his genre bending cinema and he applies his same crazy skills here as east meets west down below.

+1 star for examining ladies asses with a jeweler's glass
-1 star for never explaining what is down there
+1 star for good ol' gatling gun action
+1 star for a priest in a leather duster with an itchy trigger finger
+1 star for red man vs. yellow man
+1 star for picking the lock on a chastity belt
Bottom line
4 stars

Vai Gorilla aka The Hired Gun

Vai Gorilla aka The Hired Gun
1976-100m.
d. Tonino Valerii














Fabio Testi plays a stuntman turned "Gorilla": a bodyguard. He is soon in over his head when his boss is subjected to threats and extortion. Can he learn on the job and save the boss and his daughter or is it all a set-up and he got the job because of his inexperience?  Tonino Valerii was better known for his westerns, but does a masterful job here. Co-star Al Lettieri brings the grit and honesty he brought to so many roles in the 70's before passing away all too early in 1976. This was one of his last films.

+1 star for Al Lettieri the patron saint of 1970's thugs
+1 star for black boots embossed with eagles
+1 star for driving a car through a car carrier
+1 star for near death by elevator
Bottom line
4 stars